


Why Am I In My Own Way?

by stuffingstilinski



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Car Accident, Chubby Kink, Depression, Drinking, Happy Ending, Injury, Kink Fic, M/M, Overeating, Self-Esteem Issues, Shiro and Keith are brothers, Stuffing, Unrequited Love, Weight Gain, Weight Issues, binge eating, drunk phone calls, false blame, heavy on the angst by the way, mentions of Allura, mentions of adam, placing blame, saying things they both regret, that isn't very unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-26 14:44:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17747846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuffingstilinski/pseuds/stuffingstilinski
Summary: Keith and Lance have been best friends for as long as they can remember, with feelings for each other neither of them admit.After a car accident leaves Keith relying on Lance more than he's honestly comfortable with, he turns to food, and it takes a tole on his weight. Embarrassed and upset, he uses the gain as an excuse to push Lance out of his life. Instead of making things better, it leaves them both miserable and makes his eating habits worse.Months pass, and a chance encounter has both of them dying to reconnect, but Keith's afraid to open up and lose Lance again. While Lance is afraid he's done too much damage to be forgiven. They both don't know how wrong they are.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [babycakescalum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/babycakescalum/gifts).



> So this is an idea that babycakescalum and I have discussed on and off for a while, but I finally got my act together and started to write it. It took months but here we are! :)
> 
> I'm definitely indulging my love of angst here so be forewarned!! I tried to make sure I tagged everything, but if there's anything I missed, let me know! 
> 
> Forgive me, this is un-beta'd
> 
> A big thanks to babycakescalum for being patient, constantly encouraging me and motivating me to finally finish this fic! 
> 
>  
> 
> ****This is a kink fic! Don't like, don't read.**

Lance had sworn he looked both ways at the stop sign. Even now he’d bet his entire (meager) life savings on it. There hadn’t been a car in sight when he pressed his foot to the gas to venture out into the street. He swore there hadn’t been. But now that he was sitting in the ER exam room, he’d give anything just for Keith to come out of surgery okay.

It had been Keith’s side of the car that took the brunt of the damage. The oncoming car had plowed right into the passenger side door. While Lance had come out with a few bruises, lacerations, and a grade one concussion at worst, Keith hadn’t faired so well.

He hadn’t even been conscious after the wreck. Lance had watched the first responders use to jaws of life to tear apart the car door just to be able to free him. Bones being broken was a given. Stitches were a guarantee. He’d had bruises so deep they’d last weeks. The doctors hadn’t denied that. What they were afraid of were ruptured organs and internal bleeding—things you couldn’t tell just looking.

Lance prayed those weren’t the realities, but he couldn’t be sure until a doctor came out to talk to him again. He prayed that was soon.

When one finally did, the outcome was mixed. Keith was fine—no signs of imminent death at least. Still, recovery would be long and hard. Keith would need bedrest and help doing basic every day tasks. Rehab afterward would be extensive. He’d need constant support and help. Lance immediately volunteered. The accident had been his fault after all.

This had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he was undeniably (and pretty obviously) in love with him.

Besides, there wouldn’t be time for messing around. Lance had a job to do and that was making sure his best friend was okay.

X

Taking care of Keith was definitely harder than Lance thought. Even though he’d been discharged, Keith wasn’t anywhere near capable of looking after himself. Lance had never really taken care of anyone before. As the baby of his large family, usually he was the one being taken care of. Every time he went to change one of Keith’s bandages or administer meds, he just  _ knew  _ he screwing something up.  

Keith had always been a little standoffish, even to his best of friends. Lance had known him years and he just accepted it, but since the accident things felt  _ different.  _ After the accident, it seemed like Keith was always upset about something. It was never Lance’s fault he’d say after the fact. Even when Lance felt like it was, Keith would assure him otherwise. Keith was upset with himself. He didn’t know how to be vulnerable. He didn’t like being weak.

Frustration came to him easy these days. If Lance was helping him out of bed and he couldn’t quite get around on his own, Keith would pout. If he couldn’t dress himself without help he’d complain. At times he could barely bathe alone and during those moments he couldn’t even look Lance in the eye.

“I’m sorry,” Keith would say after even the smallest of fits. “I’m not mad at you I promise.”

Lance always assured him that he knew, that he didn’t mind being around to help even with the most menial of tasks. He was at Keith’s place twenty-four seven, not that that was anything new. Even before the accident, he’d bed as much of a staple there as Keith himself—staying the night after movie binges or drinks at the bar. These days he slept over in case Keith needed him in the middle of the night. Lance wasn’t unfamiliar to Keith’s bed, even if he always wished it was for a different reason. He knew it wasn’t anything more than two friends hanging out and that was fine. Taking care of Keith until he recovered was his priority right now. He could handle Keith’s ups and downs. Anyone would be upset after going from incredibly active to barely able to walk down the hall on their own. Lance wasn’t holding it against him.

After one particularly frustrating day where Keith could hardly get out of bed without his back screaming at him, he’d been mad at everything—his body, his bed, the driver who hit them, the doctors for not doing more, the pain meds for not making it hurt less. He hadn’t yelled at Lance, but he’d been cold, withdrawn. Lance wasn’t sure if he should take his usual spot on the other side of the bed that night, but on his way to the kitchen before bed, Keith had muttered a soft, helpless, “You’re coming back,  _ right?” _

It was as if he’d expected Lance to say no, like he’d already prepared himself for the answer.

Lance glanced over his shoulder with a laugh, “Dude, of course. Where else would I go?”

In bed that night, after all the lights were out and Lance was lying on his side, away from Keith as he always did, Keith apologized.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

He sighed, heavy with guilt. “For the way I’ve been acting. I haven’t been the most fun to be around I know.”

Lance just giggled to himself, “Fun isn’t really your thing anyway right?”

There was a joke there, but Keith of course missed it. “That’s not an excuse. I’ve been a dick.”

“You  _ are  _ a dick.”

“ _ Lance.” _

“Dude it’s fine,” Lance tried to assure. “I’m not even sure what you’re upset about.”

“Every time you help me do anything, I just complain about not being able to do it myself.”

“You’re frustrated. I get it.”

“That doesn’t make it okay,” Keith sighed. Lance wasn’t sure what to say. He’d never complained about taking care of Keith, about his attitude, about anything.

Things were silent, awkwardly so until Keith asked, “You’re not going to leave are you?”

He didn’t understand why Keith kept asking. What made Keith think he would?

“What? No, of course not.”

Even if he wanted to, how could he? It was his fault Keith was in this mess. If his love for Keith didn’t convince him to stay, the guilt surely would.  

“Don’t leave,” he begged, his voice cracking just slightly. That was the first night Lance rolled over to face him. If Keith was going to believe him, he needed to be able to see his face, see how genuine he was. Slowly, he stretched his hand towards Keith’s hand, careful not to startle or hurt him in the process as their fingers interlocked.

“I’m not going anywhere. _ I promise _ .”

From then on, Lance held his hand every night as they slept. Keith didn’t once complain and neither of them brought it up.

X

The only thing that didn’t make Lance nervous was the one thing he couldn’t mess up—meal times. Keith just told him what he wanted and Lance would make it happen. Whether that meant cooking or ordering in or running out to get something, this was the one thing Lance didn’t want to screw up. Eating, it seemed, made Keith happy and Lance wanted nothing more than to make this shitty situation as pleasant as possible for him.

If that meant keeping Keith’s kitchen stocked with everything from frozen pizza to cookie dough to cheese puffs, Lance would do it without question. Keith’s appetite was one of the few things that hadn’t wavered. If anything it had doubled, or even tripled some days. Lance wasn’t sure if it was the meds, or boredom, or what exactly, but as long as Keith was content, he didn’t care.

“Did you like the Mexican place we tried last week? I was thinking we could do it for dinner tonight?” Lance asked, draped at the foot of Keith’s bed browsing through a stack of menus.

Keith raised a brow, swallowing what was already in his mouth. “You’re planning dinner? I’m still eating lunch.”

For lunch Keith had requested Chinese and Lance had gladly provided all of his favorites. He’d already downed a quart of fried rice, more dumplings than he would care to admit and multiple pints of various kinds of chicken.

“It’s never too early to start planning,” he reached out to steal a dumpling from the container on Keith’s lap. “You’ve still got time to finish this, don’t worry.”

“ _ If  _ I finish this. You damn near bought out the whole restaurant.”

Lance shrugged, mouth full of dumpling. “Not my fault you couldn’t decide. You’ll finish it and be hungry again by dinner anyway.”

Lance wasn’t wrong. Keith’s bright red cheeks gave that much away. Half the time Lance wasn’t even sure if Keith was actually hungry, but he never questioned it. If he went through an entire pizza and still asked for more, he didn’t judge. He just kept it coming. Whatever made Keith feel better and helped him forget about the accident for a bit, he would get. At least, that’s what his own family would do.

“Can we get dessert at least?” asked Keith. “I liked that cake you got last time, the milk one.”

“Tres leches cake? Yeah I’ll get you a piece.”

Keith looked content with himself, still eating away at the food on his lap. He paused for a moment, chewing but face stuck in deep thought. Lance wondered if he’d forgotten his meds or something, but then Keith pursed his lips.

“You better make it two pieces.”

X

In the weeks since coming home, Lance was sure they’d eaten everywhere in town at least twice, probably more. He could only handle so many pizzas or burgers. He got tired of fast food burritos and sub sandwiches. Most times he wasn’t hungry enough to eat anyway. He wasn’t a bottomless pit like Keith.

Then again Keith wasn’t bottomless, but he could surely eat more than enough for two or maybe three people in a sitting. More than once Lance had watch him eat until his stomach hurt, until he could barely move—and he was greatly limited in that department already.

Even now, they were lying in bed watching TV, Lance curled up on one side, with Keith on his back taking up the other. It was hard to miss how full he was, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. Lance could hear his labored breathing. From the corner of his eye, he could see Keith trying to sneak a soothing hand over the dome of his bloated belly. In all fairness, he wasn’t that stealthy but it wasn’t like Lance cared anyway. It was only logical that with the way he was eating, he’d gain weight. He didn’t say anything so Lance didn’t either. He definitely didn’t think less of Keith for indulging a bit. It was probably long overdue anyway. Keith had always been so strict and hard on himself. He deserved to disconnect for a bit and Lance didn’t mind being the one to take care of him.

If anything, Lance liked to watch Keith stuff himself. He was most carefree then. He smiled more and laughed more. He made jokes. Watching his cheeks puff up with snacks and pastries was adorable. Even now, despite his obvious discomfort, he was more content than he’d been in a while. It was nights like this Lance loved the most…even if they were never going to be more than just friends, he liked where they were. He like being the one Keith trusted at his most vulnerable.

As long as Keith would have him, he’d gladly stay.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith realizes that he's gained weight and he takes it out on Lance. He knows it's stupid. He knows he's wrong, but the deeper he digs the hole, the harder it is to crawl out of, until he makes it impossible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, part 2!! 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who left comments and kudos! You guys are great! 
> 
> I'm warning you now, the angst is REEAAALL with this chapter! Fights are had! Mean things are said :( but I promise it will get better and there will be more on the kink side! Just stick with me ;)

Lance had been a staple in his life for the last few years at the very least. Even on days where Keith complained about his loud mouth or overzealous attitude, he wouldn’t give up having Lance around for anything. 

They were practically joined at the hip most days anyway. 

Lance was a permanent fixture in his home—enough to literally have his own drawer in Keith’s wardrobe. He’d put it there himself without permission, but even if he wouldn’t admit it, Keith loved it. He loved his clothes, the toothbrush he kept by the sink, the face mask he kept in the bathroom cabinet and all of Lance’s other little domestic touches.

Hell, he wished Lance had more—his own side of the closet, a few extra drawers, his own shelf in the bathroom, a permanent spot not only on his bed  _ but curled up next to Keith in it _ .

_ Their _ apartment.  _ Their _ bed. That’s what Keith really wanted. 

But he’d never had the balls to make a move before the accident and he damn sure couldn’t make one now. Keith had spent so long trying to be strong, look strong,  _ act strong.  _ Then the accident happened and it chiseled away at all of that. Lance was here, taking care of him, when he wanted to be the one to care of Lance. 

There were days the pain in his body was so bad, he’d cry literal tears until the pain killers kicked back in. Lance always tried to reassure him that he didn’t care—that knew Keith was hurting. He’d apologize for the accident time and time again. In return Keith would tell him wasn’t his fault, but he hated this back and forth between them. He hadn’t being weak, being babysat. Worst of all, he hated taking advantage of Lance’s obvious guilt, because why else would he agree to be with him twenty-four seven, waiting on him hand and foot? 

And Keith was so desperately selfish, he’d take the tiniest semblance of affection from Lance any way he could get it. Not that he could currently do much for himself anyway.

It was pathetic really, letting his emotions get the better of him like this, but since the accident,  _ since Lance had damn near moved in _ , they’d been all over the place. He was frustrated one moment and begging Lance to just be near him the next. The only thing that seemed to level him out was eating. It was the perfect way to numb his emotions, and everything else really.

Whatever he wanted, Lance would make sure he had, no matter what. If Keith wanted fast food from across town on a sudden whim, Lance procured it. It didn’t matter how much he asked for or what. Lance made sure to keep him more than satisfied, which was hard when his appetite seemed insatiable most days, even despite his lack of any physical activity. Keith barely had to lift a finger and  _ God _ , it was sweet…but he knew it wouldn’t last. The minute he recovered Lance would disappear, take a well needed break from Keith. He wouldn’t have the feeling of guilt to tether them together anymore.

Still, Keith cherished it while he could. Meal times were his favorite and not because of the mind-numbing fullness. He just liked sitting with Lance, with something other than his injuries being the focal point. He could let loose, enjoy himself, enjoy his food and his company. He found himself mindlessly eating most days just trying to recreate that relaxed feeling.

If nothing else, eating kept his mind off how helpless he was and then he could just focus on Lance. It could’ve been worse.

It also could’ve been better.

X

Keith had assumed things would get better deeper into his recovery process. He’d been gaining his mobility back slowly and the pain was subsiding. He cherished the thought of being fully independent again. After months out of commission he still wasn’t one hundred percent, but he was doing really well and he was relieved that Lance wouldn’t be seeing him in this pathetic state for much longer.

Everything seemed to be going so well, but that was a fleeting feeling. Things took a turn for the worst one afternoon when Lance stepped out to run the usual errands. Shiro had texted, asking if he wanted to go out for a bit, grab dinner, to celebrate how far he’d come in his recovery. Keith had been considering it all morning, unsure if he was up to leaving the house or if he just wanted to relax all night with Lance. Shiro was his brother and Keith loved hanging out with him, but he wasn’t Lance.

It was that thought that made Keith reconsider.

Lance couldn’t stay forever, no matter bad he wanted him to. Keith needed to get back to life without leaning on his support like a crutch. He needed to get back to their pre-accident friendship, the one where he pined from a distance. So, he decided to try and go out with Shiro, even just for a little while.

Keith browsed through his closet, attempting to find jeans after months of lying around in sweats and pajamas. The first pair he found barely made it halfway up his thighs but he’d never liked those anyway. The material was kind of stiff.

He found a better pair, one with stretchier denim, but those barely made it up any further. He didn’t believe what was going on but this couldn’t be a coincidence. Finally, he found a pair he knew would work. They’d been loose on him before the accident, not quite giving off the vibe he wanted. He hadn’t worn them often. ‘ _ Surely, they would fit _ ,’ he thought, but like the others they didn’t even come close.

Keith wasn’t naïve. He’d been laid up quite some time. He’d eaten quite a bit. Hell, weight gain was a side effect of his pain killers. Still at most he’d expected to have put on ten—maybe fifteen pounds. He thought it would be something he could easily work off when he was full strength again. This was more than that,  _ so much more _ . He could tell that much by just looking at himself thoroughly in the mirror. His clothes had never been this tight before. His body had never been so round.

This was the first good look that he’d gotten at himself in a while, the first time he’d actually paid attention to his body. Lance had been helping him get dressed the last few months, along with everything else. Keith laid in bed most of the day, hardly paying attention to the sudden bulge of his chest, or underneath it apparently. He could hardly believe what he was seeing until he was literally squeezing the flesh in his hands. There wasn’t a shred of muscle left.

From there, he just let his hands slide down and outline the way his stomach bulged out. It wasn’t massive, but it was definitely noticeable. There was no sucking in to shield his gain from sight. He could squeeze chunks of fat in his hand with ease, the skin surrounding his fingers, dimpling in response. He poked at it and was astonished by how deep his finger sank into the mass. He couldn’t believe the rolls that piled over his hips, or how it seemed to be the foundation for the rolls on his back. His belly button seemed deeper and even his once toned arms had fat piled on them.

Despite staring him right in the face—clothes barely fitting as it was—stretch marks served as the real evidence to how much he’d eaten these last few months while laid up in bed. They were  _ everywhere.  _ He didn’t even realize you could get them anywhere but your stomach, but here they were on his hips, faint ones forming on his chest. He could hardly beleive it. 

“What the hell,” he sighed, leaning his palms against the bathroom counter, only to have his belly rest over the edge. Since when was this a thing?

This was way more than fifteen pounds. This was probably more than twenty or twenty-five, but he was honestly afraid to find out just what the real damage was. There was a scale under the sink but he couldn’t remember the last time he’d even used it. He’d hardly ever had to. Keith had to know though, as much as he didn’t want to. The curiosity was too much. So reluctantly, he pulled it out and stepped on top of it, only to be shocked by what he saw.

_ Two hundred twenty-eight _ . He’d gained fifty-three pounds?  

He couldn’t go out with Shiro like this. He didn’t want anyone, let alone his friends, to see him right now. There was no way anything in his closet fit after gaining that much weight. Like hell he was going out to buy anything to fit  _ this _ body! Shiro, and anyone else, would just have to wait until he managed to lose enough weight to feel presentable again.

He sent a text bailing on the grounds he ‘didn’t feel good’. It wasn’t a total lie. The number on the scale had been enough to make his stomach turn. Shiro texted checking in on him, as any good brother would, but Keith ignored it. He was too stuck on looking at himself in the mirror to reply. He still couldn’t believe what he was looking at. How could he have just sat back while this happened? Why had he eaten so much?  _ Fuck _ , how was he going to fix this when he still couldn’t work out? He was just barely cleared for rehab, let alone going to the gym and doing anything substantial. With his luck, he’d end up  _ bigger _ before he was smaller. How the hell was he supposed to keep this in check?  _ How was he— _

The sound of the door slamming pulled him out of his thoughts just long enough to regather his thoughts. Lance was here and Keith was standing in the bathroom staring at his  _ gut _ . He couldn’t let Lance see him like this.

“Keith! Hey,  _ Keith _ ! Are you in the room? I brought you something!”  

“Y-yeah!” he yelled back, suddenly nervous that Lance would walk in and see him standing in the mirror looking like  _ this _ ….but Lance was here all the time. Up until a few weeks ago, Lance was even helping him get dressed and bathe. He had to know Keith had been gaining weight,  _ a lot _ of weight. Why hadn’t he said anything?

“Keith?” he heard, much closer this time. “Are you in here?”

Reluctantly he emerged from the bathroom, hands drawn over his stomach in hopes of shielding it, from what he wasn’t exactly sure. It just felt less embarrassing this way.

“Y-yeah, I was in the bathroom.” He tried to sound convincing, but he could here how suspicious he sounded. 

Standing in the middle of his bedroom was Lance, bright eyed with an excited smile on his face. Keith wasn’t sure what was going on or what he was so happy about. Had he forgotten something? Was it a holiday? A birthday? Whatever it was, it probably had something to do with the white box he had in his hands.

“Well Shiro told me he was taking you out and I realized I hadn’t done anything for your  _ recovery _ .” He said it like it was special. Like Keith has done anything by lie around for months. 

“ _ Oh. _ ” Keith managed. The mention of his canceled outing with Shiro had him instantly deflating. He didn’t want to think about that or how the accident had left him home bound and blowing up.

“Yeah!  _ So… _ ” Lance held out the box in front of him with a shy, yet eager, smirk, “Here!”

As much as he didn’t want to move his hands from in front of his midsection, Lance was expecting him to take his gift. He had been nice enough to get him something when he hadn’t really done anything to earn it. 

The minute he grabbed the box, he regretted it. He could smell the sugary sweet aroma even before he opened it. Still, he undid the ribbon praying he was wrong. When he lifted the lid, he knew he wasn’t. Staring back at him was a round cake with “ _ Congratulations on your Recovery _ !” frosted on it. It looked amazing and it smelled even better. He was literally salivating just looking at it…but he couldn’t eat it. He just couldn’t. 

“Lance what the hell is this?”  

Lance tilted his head, confusion suddenly plastered all over his perfect face. “ _ A cake?” _ he questioned, as if he wasn’t sure anymore. He leaned forward to try and see inside the box. “It’s the congratulations cake, right? I didn’t grab the wrong one, did I?”

“No, the it’s right one. I just…why did you get me cake?”

Because he was fat right? Fat people liked cake. Why the hell else would he buy it?

He watched Lance’s eyes narrow as he searched for answer. Even when he replied, his words were drawn out and unsure. “Because cakes are common congratulations gifts? And you like cake?”

Keith sighed, setting the dessert on the bed. Of course he liked it. He wouldn’t have gained so much if he didn’t.

“What’s wrong? You’re always excited when I bring home stuff from the bakery, at least I thought. You liked the cupcakes from last week right?”  

He had, probably a little too much. So much so, he’d eaten six is one sitting. He’d like the cupcakes, and the brownies, the lemon tarts, the chocolate croissants, and the macaroons and the madelines and the danishes and  _ fuck. _ When had Lance not brought him something back from that damn bakery?

“I mean  _ yeah _ , they were fine.”

“Oh…” Lance tilted his head in confusion. “Well do you want to eat the cake now or after you get back from hanging out with Shiro?”

Eat  _ the cake? _ Not  _ some _ ? Not a  _ piece _ ? Were his habits that bad? Lance just assumed he was going to sit here and swallow down the whole damn thing!

“I’m not going,” Keith finally spat.

That seemed to grab Lance’s attention. He looked concerned, eyebrows knitting together. “Not going? Why not? Did something come up?”

“No.”

“No?”

“I said  _ no _ .”

With the sudden change in tone, Lance stepped back, his hands up in surrender. “Okay? We don’t have talk about it I guess.”

_ Good _ , thought Keith. He didn’t want to talk about going out or his recovery or anything else. He didn’t want to talk about Shiro or see him. He hardly wanted Lance here right now. He wanted to be left alone to figure out what the hell he was going to do about the fifty plus pounds he’d gained.

The tension in the air was thick and all Keith’s doing. Lance still seemed confused, but he insisted on staying in the room and trying to talk to him. Why couldn’t he take a fucking hint? He was always so persistent about working things out when Keith just wanted to be left alone.

“Well it’s almost dinner…do you want to order in or something?”

“Not really.”

“ _ Okay…”  _ Lance droned. His eyes darted around the room as he awkwardly shifted back and forth between his heels and tip toes. When Keith didn’t respond, it finally seemed to click to him. 

“Is something wrong? Am I missing something?” His voice cracked as he spoke. His cheeks went red but still he stared, wide eyed and expecting.

“I don’t know Lance. It’s pretty hard to miss.”

“What is? I don’t know what you’re talking about!” There was so much exasperation in his voice. Keith could hear him desperately trying to connect, but he was so upset, he refused to connect back. 

“Why didn’t you tell me I was getting fat Lance?”

“ _ Huh? _ ”

Keith raised his voice, hands rushing down to his belly and grabbing handfuls for emphasis, “ _ Fat _ Lance! Why didn’t you tell me I was fat?”

“Keith you’re not fa—”

“Are you  _ blind? _ ” His stomach even jiggled as he threw his arms up in frustration. Lance was obviously just trying to placate him. But he wasn’t a baby. He didn’t need to be coddled. That was what got him here in the first place.

“No. I just—Keith where is this coming from?”

“It’s coming from the fifty-three pounds I gained laid up after the accident!”

Lance paused for a minute, his eyes traveling up Keith’s frame and stopping right at his stomach pressed up against his t-shirt. Immediately he dropped his hands back down in defense. He didn’t need perfect Lance criticizing him with his eyes. His cheeks grew hot and he quickly averted his eyes.

“Keith it’s not that big of a deal!”

“Not to you! It’s not a big deal because it’s not you,” he countered, “You’re not the fat one!”

Keith wasn’t usually one to let himself get lost in his emotions but he wasn’t sure what to think right now. He’d spent so much time on his body before the accident— _ the accident _ . That catalyst to all this! To his injuries, to him being trapped in the house, to him lying in bed eating all day. It had been so easy, eating instead of dealing with how upset he’d been over everything. 

_ If Lance hadn’t done this,  _ he thought suddenly, and just like it was easy to cover up his problems with food, it was suddenly easy to blame everything on Lance.  _ Lance _ who’d been driving that day.  _ Lance _ who’d been staying here, taking care of him,  _ feeding him _ . This was  _ his _ fault.

“You’re not the fat one! You’re not the one who was hurt in the accident, the accident  _ you _ caused! You’re not the one who was laid up, useless and helpless a-and eating  _ everything _ —everything  _ you _ bought.”  

Lance dropped his eyes down to where his hands were mindlessly playing with the hem of his shirt. Keith could hear his voice breaking with what sounded like tears. “Keith I didn’t mean—I didn’t do this on purpose. I was trying to  _ help _ .”

The food had helped. Instead of dealing with his frustrations, he’d complained to Lance every chance he got and shoved empty calories down his throat to forget about how upset he was.

“Well thanks a lot!”

“I can help you lose it,” Lance quickly offered. He really did sound sorry.

More sorry than Keith deserved.

He didn’t  _ want  _ to take his anger out on Lance, the one person who had been by his side twenty-four seven these past few months, but Keith had a habit of ruining a good thing. He shouldn’t have been running the guy he loved away. What sense did that make? At the same time he was too embarrassed to ask him to stay. It had been bad enough having Lance help take care of him. Now Lance had to deal with him having let himself go? He was supposed to rely on Lance to help him diet? To help him lose weight and deal with him during rehab? Was Keith just supposed to keep  _ taking and taking and taking _ and what?

In return, he’d just given Lance his ass to kiss.

As much as Keith wanted to apologize, say he was overreacting, he couldn’t do it. He didn’t deserve to have Lance around after what he’d just said. The worst part was, if he apologized, Lance was kind enough to accept it. Why he’d put up with his bullshit the last few months, Keith didn’t understand, but he wouldn’t let Lance keep doing it. Better to cut things off now than draw them out. He could pull his heart out of it and then Lance wouldn’t have to stick around take care of him any more.

“No,” said Keith, “I don’t want your help. I want you to leave.”

It was quiet enough that Keith swore Lance could probably hear the sound of his heart breaking. Or maybe that was his own agony he was honing in on. What was coming out of his mouth was the exact opposite of what he was thinking, but he just needed to be alone for a while. He couldn’’t keep relying on Lance to do everything for him. He couldn’t keep Lance around as a punching bag to get mad at when he was really upset with himself.

“ _ Keith _ , you’re not a hundred percent yet. What if you need something?”

“Then I’ll call Shiro,” he said and Lance immediately stiffened at the idea of being replaced.

He opened his mouth but before he could get a word out, Keith waved him off. “Just go home Lance...We both know you’re just here out of guilt anyway.”

“Keith that’s not—” he started and then suddenly he just dropped it. Surely after everything Lance wasn’t going to lie. Why else would he be here if not guilt? Why would anyone?

“Then what is it? Why are you here?”

“I—I— _ You asked me to stay. _ ”

“Yeah well that was before. Nobody forced you to stay then and I’m not asking you to stay now.”

“ _ Keith… _ ”

“Lance just go! Why are you still here?” Why was he dragging this out and making this so much harder for both of them? 

“Because…I care about you. I don’t want to leave you here by yourself. Not like this,” he said. The worry in his voice pissed Keith off more. He could take care of himself now…even if he wasn’t fully healed, he’d figure it out. He always did.

“Get out of my apartment Lance. There’s no reason for you to be here anymore. I don’t need you and I don’t want you here. Stop pretending like you care.”

Lance threw his hands up and his voice echoed across the bedroom, hitting a level Keith didn’t think he was even capable of.  _ “I do care!” _

“You care because you’re guilty!” He sounded like a broken record but Keith figured if he said it enough, maybe that would actually make it true. It would give him a way to rationalize being an asshole.

“ _ No! I care because I love you!” _

The minute the words left Lance’s mouth, he clearly panicked. He cheeks went red. His hands flew up to cover his lips. For a moment they stared at each other and the regret seeping off of Lance was so thick, Keith felt like he couldn’t breathe through it.

He had always wanted to hear Lance say those words but not like this. These words were desperate, raw, all consuming… _ and Keith didn’t deserve them. _

He was trying to push and push but Lance kept trying so hard to push back. Why? How could he love Keith like this? How could anyone?

“Keith I—”

“Get out,” Keith said, tears burning the back of his eyes. This was wrong. Everything was so wrong. Lance barely moved, but his deep blue eyes said more than enough. There was pity in them and it made Keith’s stomach twist into knots. “Lance get out of my house!”

“But—”

“How hard is it to understand that I don’t want you here?” He yelled, but his tears said otherwise.  _ Traitors _ . “I don’t know why this is so hard for you? We’re not in love. You’re not my boyfriend. This isn’t some couples fight. This is me telling you I don’t care if I do need help. I’d rather figure it out myself than with you...It’s not like you’re doing a very good job anyway.”

Lance opened his mouth wide, ready to counter Keith’s low blow, but quickly he snapped it closed. In that moment Keith knew he’d won…but he also knew he’d lost just the same.

Lance shoved his hands into his pockets, “Fine.”

Keith thought over and over about reaching out to grab Lance’s jacket as he turned to leave—to throw himself in the floor and beg for forgiveness, admit he was wrong and confused and stupid, but his stubbornness just wouldn’t let him. With everything he’d said, every nail he slammed into the coffin, he’d ensured the end of not only the fight but the entirety of their friendship as well. He didn’t know what was wrong with him? He had nobody to blame but himself, yet he’d taken it out in the one person he cared about most.

He’d always been an expert at self sabotage. 

When Lance paused, turning his tear stained cheeks towards him, Keith saw his one chance to make things right slip through his fingers. There was no fixing this. He didn’t deserve to.  

“I really am sorry,” Lance said.  

But he hadn’t done anything wrong and there was nothing for him to be sorry about. Like so many good things before, Keith had ruined yet another relationship with his attitude. Lance had been the one to apologize,  _ but there was no way in hell he was sorrier than Keith _ .

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Sorry for the pain!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance is a wreck. Keith is wreck. Their friends try to help, but it's not really working.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here with chapter three!! 
> 
> Glad you're all enjoying it so far! And that the angst isn't scaring you all away lol
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments! I appreciate them a lot!

Keith was ashamed of himself for a lot of reasons that night—months spent being helpless, gaining weight, yelling at Lance, pushing him away…but most of all, he was embarrassed by the fact that he was lying in bed watching TV, halfway through the cake Lance had bought him. The cake he’d just bitched so hard about.

What was wrong with him? He wasn’t even hungry but the minute Lance walked out, he’d felt the overwhelming urge to stuff his gut with  _ something. _ He wanted to eat until it hurt more than kicking Lance out had and then he wanted to eat more on top of that. Anything to numb the overwhelming guilt and utter stupidity he was currently feeling.

Keith sat in the middle of the bed, legs crossed with the cake in front of his ankles. He shoved his fork right in the middle, not caring about manners or dignity. He just wanted to shovel cake in his mouth as fast as possible before he could think about the consequences. His stomach was hurting like hell but it wasn’t enough to stop him completely. Instead he tried to rub away the pain with his free hand.

The belly rubs didn’t do much for the ache in his gut, and the cake didn’t do much for the ache in his heart, but he desperately continued to do both anyway.

If nothing else, maybe the cake would remind him of Lance. Keith was sure Lance had put a lot of thought into it before he’d ordered it.

More than he deserved.

X

Lance couldn’t remember the last time he’d been home for more than an hour. In the last few months, he’d popped in here and there to get clothes, but he’d practically been living with Keith. Even before the accident, they’d spent majority of their time together at his place. They’d joked more than once that Lance should just move in, but Keith didn’t have two bedrooms and he damn sure didn’t think of Lance like  _ that. _

His apartment felt unfamiliar. It was spotlessly clean, dust gathering on knick knacks and photos he hadn’t touched in months. It was cold and it was quiet and most of all there was no Keith. He hated it, but he didn’t really have anywhere else to go.

If he called Hunk or Pidge they’d want to know what was going on. He didn’t want to explain that he’d let his feelings get the better of him  _ again. _ They already pitied him and his pathetic crush enough. He didn’t want that tonight.

He tried a bath, but that did nothing to ease him mind. Neither did TV or reading. All Lance could think about was what he’d done wrong.

Keith had been pretty depressed since the accident, constantly feeling like a useless burden on him. Lance thought things were getting better as Keith recovered, but he hadn’t seen Keith look that upset in months.

For someone as active as Keith, realizing he’d gained weight must’ve been devastating. Lance had noticed a few extra pounds but he would’ve never guessed fifty-three. It wasn’t as if Keith looked _ bad _ , but he would never believe that coming from Lance. At best he was just Keith’s best friend…but now, he was just some guy pining from an either further distance.

Fuck, this was all his fault.

Keith was right, he had felt guilty about the accident. He knew Keith was eating too much, drowning his feelings in whatever Lance brought him. It was just so hard watching him be upset. Lance had just wanted him to be happy…and if binging thirty three mozzarella sticks or two pints of Ben and Jerry’s in a sitting made him happy, who was Lance to say no?

Shame it had totally backfired in his face. Now Keith hated him and Lance had a feeling that wasn’t going to change any time soon. As long as he felt fat, he’d probably be upset, and they still had months before Keith was cleared to work out at one hundred percent again.

Lance wished he could take it all back, and even if he could do that, he wished he mattered enough for Keith to listen to him. Keith wasn’t fat and even if he was, he was just as beautiful to Lance as he’d always been…

Hell, after years of running himself ragged, to achieve some idea of the perfect body, it was nice to see Keith relax. To Lance, he might’ve even looked better.

X

Without Lance, Keith was a fucking wreck.

Even before the accident, he didn’t realize how much just having Lance around did for him. He didn’t realize how much he’d miss him or how badly he just wanted him to come back. He just wanted to hear his voice, to call him and beg to be forgiven, but after the total ass he’d made of himself, he didn’t deserve it. Lance deserved so much better than his friendship, let alone his affection. All he’d done was get mad at him for things that weren’t his fault and then blame his lack of self control on Lance.

Even if Lance bought the food, he never forced Keith to eat it. The constant overeating was his fault. Case in point, Lance had been gone over a week now, and yet Keith was still binge eating take out in his bed regardless. He’d made a trip to that bakery Lance liked twice and he’d gone through just about every snack in his place.

Lance usually did the grocery shopping for him. For several weeks just the idea of walking for that long made his back hurt. Now with rehab in place a few times a week, he thought he could handle shopping since it wasn’t that strenuous. He’d ask Shiro to go but no way in hell he was letting his fitness oriented brother eyeball his current grocery list. He knew four bags of mini powdered donuts and two boxes of Klondike bars weren’t healthy. He didn’t need Shiro to tell him that. He just wanted to stock up on junk food and eat it in peace.

He decided to go that night, when he thought there might be less people around to see him. Even his sweats weren’t the most forgiving these days, but he hadn’t bothered to go out any buy new clothes. Maybe he’d order some online? That way he wouldn’t have to leave his house and risk seeing someone he knew at the mall.

The drive to the store had been okay, a little hard on his body, but he brushed it off. He was just stiff he told himself. It had been a while since he’d driven this much in a week but he’d get used to it. It wasn’t like it would hurt forever, even if it felt like it would.

Keith wondered if maybe he should get a cart with a scooter to help ease the pain that was already seeping into his limbs but quickly decided against it. He didn’t need a cart. Carts were for people who were visibly injured…or in his mind, severely overweight, and he was neither. He could manage pushing a cart around for thirty minutes.

At least he _ thought _ .

Somewhere between trying to decide between Dorito’s and Lay’s (he got both), he started to feel a slight pain in his knee. In the frozen food aisle, he felt himself getting winded. By the bakery aisle his whole body was hurting but he refused to give up on something as simple as grocery shopping. It wasn’t that hard damn it!

Keith took a moment to lean over the handlebars of his cart, hoping his random pains would subside long enough for him to just check out and leave but it seemed impossible. He took a few deep breaths in an attempt to help the pain pass. He thought he might be okay, until someone came up behind him and placed a hand on his waist.  _ Who the hell— _

“Sir are you okay?”

He flinched, his body jolting violently at the touch. It hurt more than it probably should’ve.

When he looked up, a perfectly non-threatening, middle aged woman stood beside him. She was harmless but the concern on her face told him he probably didn’t look the same. “Sir you’re sweating and you’re breathing pretty hard. Are you alright?”

No, he wasn’t alright actually. He was tired and his body hurt more than it had in weeks. All Keith could think was if Lance was here, he’d know what to do. Lance would be able to help.

“I’m sorry. I’m fine, just a little dizzy. Thank you.” Keith quickly made his way away from the woman before she could say anything else.

He had nothing of substance in his cart, just TV dinners and junk food, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t like he cooked that much anyway. If he was being honest, he was just going to order in for lunch and dinner so it didn’t matter anyway. He just wanted out of the grocery store before things got any worse. Then the bag boy hadn’t even asked Keith if he needed help to his car. He’d just grabbed the bags for him and Keith knew he must’ve looked like he was barely making ut.

_ Was he so pathetic that he couldn’t even go grocery shopping by himself,  _ he wondered as he finally got into his car. Lance had done the shopping for him since the accident, getting whatever junk Keith asked for with no judgement. If he was here, Keith wouldn’t be sitting in a grocery store parking lot with pain shooting through his limbs. He wouldn’t be completely humiliated by his lack of self sufficiency. If Lance was here, he’d fix everything, but he wasn’t. The closest Keith could get to Lance was by stuffing his face with junk he used to ask Lance to buy him.

So despite the pain, he forced himself to spin around for a moment to dig through the bags. The first thing he found was a box of hostess cupcakes and he grabbed them, not really caring what they were. He tore at the cheap cardboard box and ripped open the plastic on the first pair, tossing it onto the floor of the passenger side before greedily shoving half a cupcake in his mouth. The relief he felt was immediate.

Lance used to like these too. He liked the weird white swirl over the top and would only eat the frosting and throw the cupcake away before Keith volunteered to start eating the other half. He hated that he remembered that now of all times. Why did everything remind Keith of him? Thoughts of Lance only made him eat faster—two cupcakes, five, eight, until he’d devoured all twelve in a violent massacre of frosting and crumbs.

Keith stared at the plastic wrappers piled on the passenger floor in utter disgust before leaning back into his seat. The heavy feeling in his already heavy gut did nothing for his self esteem. He was panting with total shame. Had he really just shoveled twelve cupcakes in his mouth in the grocery store parking lot? 

What was wrong with him?

He missed Lance for one. His overfed body was totally useless for two. If nothing else, eating had distracted him from the pain for a moment. Now he’d have to deal with the pain in his gut as well as his back as he drove home.

He managed to bring the groceries in and put them away before he all but collapsed on his bed. He couldn’t understand how he’d been doing so good only for his pain to come back with such a vengeance? Had he re-injured something? Did he need his med dosage upped? Curious, Keith turned to his bedside table only the see that he had forgotten to take today’s pills completely.

Lance always kept him on schedule before. He made sure Keith never missed a dose even by a few minutes. But Lance wasn’t here all because Keith had been too hellbent on blaming him to ask him to stay.

He sighed, dry swallowing his meds in bed. The minute they kicked in, he made his way to the kitchen. He had a bag of chips and a container of onion dip calling his name.

X

In the month since he’d last seen Keith, Lance had been miserable.

Pidge and Hunk could both tell, despite trying their hardest not to bring up the subject. He hadn’t been his usual, obnoxious, self. Gone were the constant goofy, light-hearted jokes. His usual smile dropped if he thought they weren’t looking. It was pretty unusual to say the least, but even weirder was how Lance never wanted to talk about it.

Usually his life was an open book, to the point of Pidge and Hunk practically begging him to shut up. Now it was the opposite. He felt embarrassed when Keith came up and he spent weeks trying to avoid the subject until they couldn’t take it anymore.

“Maybe talking about it will make you feel better?” Hunk suggested one night during what was supposed to be movie night.

“I’m kind of ashamed,” Lance admitted, leaving both Pidge and Hunk scratching at their heads. Lance was easily the most confident guy they knew. What could possible work him up this bad?

“Lance, what happened?”

That was the one question he’d been trying to avoid, but it had to come up eventually. He sighed, hard and heavy, his breath wavering a bit as he said, “We had a fight. A  _ big _ one. There was screaming and everything. I messed up and then I shoved my foot in my mouth.”

That wasn’t a totally unbelievable statement, but Pidge and Hunk both knew there was more. Things Lance seemed to embarrassed to admit.

“What did you say?” Hunk asked gently, hoping to get Lance to open up even a little bit more. What could it hurt to be honest now? It wasn’t like it would change things with Keith anyway.

“I ugh…I told him _ I loved him _ .” He couldn’t look at them when he admitted it. “I…I poured my heart out to him and he didn’t say it back. Not that I was expecting that, ya know? But somehow it just made everything  _ worse.  _ He doesn’t love me and considering I ruined his life, and almost got him killed, he probably hates me!”

“You don’t know that,” Pidge offered logically. Even she wasn’t one hundred percent confident in that statement.

“Well he hasn’t answered any of my texts, but I know he’s read them. I’m pretty sure our friendship is over and it’s safe to say he hates me.”

If he was Keith, he just might hate him too.

X

Keith stared at the text for what had to be five minutes. Why Lance even continued to reach out to him, he wasn’t sure. He’d ignored everyone since the night of their fight, partly because he didn’t know what to say and partly because he was still ashamed of himself.

He hoped that maybe if he distanced himself, Lance would just move on and fall in love with somebody else—maybe someone nice like Matt or Hunk. Somebody who deserved his affection.

**From: Lance**

**Can we talk?**

**From:Lance**

**I’m sorry for what I said**

**From: Lance**

**Don’t forget to take your meds, 3x a day with a full glass of water!**

**From: Lance**

**I’m sorry for everything**

**From: Lance**

**I hope you’re okay**

No, he was not okay but he couldn’t tell Lance that. He refused to pile any more guilt on him than he’d already had. So he just set his phone back down and continued on with his Thai binge and Netflix marathon. He was halfway done with his second plate of coconut curry when phone started to ring.

It couldn’t be Lance. Lance didn’t call. Hell the only calls he got lately were the food delivery people needing to be buzzed into his apartment complex and—

_ Fucking Shiro. _

Shiro who he’d been blowing off for weeks. Who he hadn’t seen since he’d visited him weeks before his fight with Lance. Shiro who he’d purposely avoided telling anything about his fight with Lance or his current state in general. Shiro who didn’t know he’d kicked Lance out of his life, or that he’d been moping around his house the last month. His brother lived a good forty minutes away so they didn’t see each other every day. Keith thought he had more time.

But he knew Shiro was starting to get suspicious. Every time he tried to come by or make plans, Keith would make up an excuse as to why he couldn’t go—rehab, random aches and pains, doctors appointment, something with Lance. It would only last for so long, he knew that, but he had hoped maybe by the time he saw Shiro again, his life would be less of a wreck and he’d lose weight.

The last thing was a stretch though. According to his doctor he’d actually gained twenty-seven pounds since Lance had left. No surprise there. He hadn’t been able to stop eating since. The doctor mentioned something about added strain to his back, but considering Keith had all but given up any chance of real physical activity any time soon, he didn’t pay it much mind. It damn sure hadn’t stopped him from ordering heaps of greasy take out the last few days.

Despite his failed weight loss, or lack of even trying, he knew ignoring Shiro’s call would raise even more questions.

“Hello?”

“Hey!” Shiro sounded surprised. Keith didn’t blame him. “What are you up to?”

“Nothing. At home I guess.”

“I got off work early and thought we could hang out.”

“Oh I ugh…” Why couldn’t he think of a good excuse?

“Keith I’m already here. I’m walking up the stairs now. Just open the door.”

_ Here? _ He was  _ here? _ What kind of monster just popped up at peoples homes uninvited? Well other than Lance, but Keith used to like it when he did it.

“Here? But that’s a forty five minute drive! Shiro what the fuck? I’m not even—”

“You kept making up excuses. I was starting to worry about you. I even tried Lance but he told me he hadn’t talked to you.”

“So you just popped up?”

“Of course I popped up,” he said like it made the most obvious sense and he was close enough now that Keith could hear his voice echoing down the hall. “It was the only way to see you.”

What was he going to do? He couldn’t let Shiro see him like  _ this.  _ He was mid-binge. There were more empty food containers sprawled on the coffee table than Keith wanted to admit. He had more than one questionable sauce stain on his ill fitting shirt. The seams of his sweatpants were visibly straining and the inner thighs were practically rubbed raw. There were dishes in his sink from multiple late night binges this week and his trash can desperately needed to be emptied. Shiro was going to flip shit when he saw just how bad things were.

“Plus mom and dad said you haven’t been answering their calls,” Shiro added.  In that moment Keith cursed himself for ever allowing the Shiroganes to adopt him. He should’ve known if Shiro didn’t pop up of his own volition, they’d surely sick Shiro on him!

Did no one understand the concept of having their calls ignored? It meant he wanted to be left alone.

It didn’t matter what he wanted anymore, not when Shiro was belligerently knocking on his door. “I’m outside your apartment.”

There was no way he was getting out of this. He’d have to heave his fat ass off the couch and let Shiro see his gluttony first hand in all its pathetic glory. The last time he’d visited him, Keith figured he was fifty pounds lighter at the very least. Fuck.

He unlocked the door and slowly pulled it open. Shiro probably needed time to process is slow motion anyway.

“Hey,” he offered, unable to hide his embarrassment.

Shiro stuttered back a soft, “H-hey.”

It made Keith’s stomach drop. Maybe he should’ve put on a hoodie or something to help hide his gut. Then again, even those were snug these days.

“Are you gonna come inside or stand in the hallway gawking all day?”

That seemed to snap Shiro out of his trance as his cheeks flushed bright red. “I am not gawking.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

It wasn’t like he was hard to miss these days at eighty pounds overweight. Anyone would be shocked. Who would’ve thought Keith, who lived in the gym before, would let himself go like this?

He watched Shiro’s eyes drift around the scenery, taking in him in all his flabby glory, the food sprawled across the table, the kitchen and everything else. Surely he was judging, who wouldn’t be?

Keith wished he wasn’t here. He wanted him gone. He loved his brother, but the last thing he wanted was Shiro or anyone else seeing him like this. “Are you happy now that you’ve seen me? You can tell everyone how bad I’m doing.”

Despite the obvious edge in his voice, Shiro still just looked concerned. “Keith what’s going on?”

He just crossed his arms on top of his gut and grumbled in response.

“And where’s Lance? You two are practically joined at the hip. I thought he was helping you, you know, keep things in order.”

Because Keith was clearly incapable of doing anything for himself right? Not without being babysat. He’d felt completely justified in kicking his friend out all those weeks ago, but yet he was ashamed when he had to admit, “I kicked him out.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t want him here anymore.”

Shiro sighed, his usual patience quickly faltering. “Lance sounded pretty upset when I spoke to him.”

“So why didn’t you ask him then?”

“He said it was your choice whether you wanted to tell me or not.” How fucking mature of him.

_ Well he didn’t want to tell.  _ Keith didn’t want to have to admit was this was all really about.

“We had a fight. I don’t really feel like talking about it.”

Shiro didn’t push, knowing it would only bring more resistance. Keith knew he wanted to though. He knew his brother was holding back a lot. “Okay…well do you want to talk about anything else?”

Keith shot Shiro a sideways glance, trying to communicate just how done he was with not only the conversation, but his brother being here in general. Of course it seemed to have no effect. Shiro was used to dealing with him and his moods. He’d known him longer than anyone. He could tolerate whatever bullshit Keith threw at him, so Keith had no problem laying the angst on thick.

“I’m not leaving until you give me something. You can’t expect me to leave you here when something’s obviously wrong. Are your meds working?”

“They’re fine.” Though they’d probably contributed to a good amount of his weight gain.

“How’s rehab?”

“Okay I guess.”

He wasn’t progressing as fast as they hoped but he damn sure didn’t want to bring that up to Shiro, king of the fucking gym. His body was perfect, blessed with a muscle mass and a bone structure most men could only dream of. Even when he’d been working out regularly, Keith stayed lean. He struggled to put on muscle, but apparently he had great fat genes.

Despite Keith’s best efforts to seem uninterested, Shiro persisted. “Did Lance do something?”

“Why would you think that?” He quickly shot back.

“Well you said you two had a fight.”

“Not because of anything he did.”

Shrio tilted his head, “I don’t—”

“I blamed him for something he didn’t do and then when he apologized and…and told me he  _ loved _ me, I panicked and I made him leave.” He felt stupid admitting his little tantrum out loud but Shiro wouldn’t stop until he told him the truth.

There was a moment of awkward silence. Keith sat stone still, waiting for his tongue lashing but it seemed Shiro was still processing his confession. After the most excruciating minute of his life, Shiro finally spoke. “He said he loved you?”

“Yes.”

“And you didn’t say it back?” he questioned, “But I thought you had feelings for him.”

“I do! I told you I panicked.”

“Well why haven’t you just apologized?”

Keith shot Shiro a straight look, as if the thought hadn’t occurred to him more than once. “It’s not that easy…I was…I was really awful to him.”

“It was one fight. I’m sure he’d understand.”

“No, before the fight even. Just after the accident in general. He stayed to help me, and I was an asshole. All I did was bitch and complain. I whined about things that weren’t his fault. I wasn’t even mad at him, I was just mad at the situation but I took it out on him and he just took took it. I don’t deserve him. He’s better off without me.”

His brother sighed, turning his full attention to Keith. He looked him up and down with a sympathetic gaze that made Keith curl in on himself. “You don’t deserve to sit in here punishing yourself either. I doubt Lance would want that.”

“Well Lance isn’t here so…I guess he doesn’t get much of a say in what I do anymore.”

“You could call h—”

“There’s no point in even finishing that sentence. I’ve already made up my mind. I’m not contacting him so can we please just talk about something else?”

Or Shiro could go home and let him finish his dinner in peace. His food was getting cold just sitting there and he hadn’t ordered all this to let it go to waste.

“When was the last time you ate something that didn’t come a drive thru or was delivered to your door?” Shiro asked instead and of course he’d pick the second topic Keith didn’t want to talk about.

“I baked a frozen pizza yesterday,” he answered dryly.

“ _ Keith… _ ”

“ _ Shiro. _ ”

They stared at each other, Shiro with his stern gaze and Keith with his irritated side eye. Shiro spoke first. “You know this isn’t healthy? You can’t just replace Lance with food.”

The hell he couldn’t. He’d been doing so the last few weeks just fine. Sure, it didn’t quite fill the hole Lance left, but it filled his gut and that was more than enough to get Keith to bed at night.

“You’re going to look up in a few months and wish you hadn’t done this.”

Ha! Too late for that. He already wished he hadn’t done it. He wished that every time he finished a binge, but it didn’t stop him from doing it again the next day.  

“I’ll take that into consideration.”

“Keith.”

“ _ What Shiro? _ You think I don’t know what I’m doing to  _ my  _ body. I see myself in the mirror everyday okay? I know! I know I messed up with Lance. I know eating my feelings isn’t actually helping! I know I’m fat! And I know you’re trying to help but I don’t need you telling me everything I already know! What I need—”

He needed to pull his head out of his ass. To stop complaining and maybe get up off his couch and actually leave his apartment. To contact everyone he’d been ignoring. To apologize to Lance.

He knew what he needed but he couldn’t find the motivation to do any of it.

“Can you please just go?  _ Please?” _

Keith wanted nothing more than to be alone, but he knew Shiro. He’d sit here all night if Keith let him...but Keith wasn’t going to let him and thankfully, Shiro shook his head and stood up. “I’ll go,” he said, “but I’m coming back again tomorrow to check in on you.”

“I don’t need you to babysit me.”

“I’m not babysitting you. I’m checking in. I’m not doing it for you either. I’m doing it for my own peace of mind.”

He could call it whatever he wanted, but they both knew what it was. He didn’t trust Keith to take care of himself right now. That was fair.

Keith was hardly sure he was capable of the task either.

X

Shiro didn’t come by every day, thank God, but he’d pop up a few times a week to make sure Keith was okay. He’d pick up his prescriptions and accompany him to rehab when he was free. He’d bring by groceries he deemed healthy, which Keith ate, but only to appease him. He still binged on whatever he could get his hands on when Shiro wasn’t around.

If Shiro wanted to come by that was fine but it didn’t change anything. Five more weeks passed. He still hadn’t talked to Lance. Eventually he’d stopped texting, which hurt more than Keith had thought it would. The Lance sized hole is his heart got bigger and so did the one in his stomach. That month, he’d apparently gained 21 more pounds.

One hundred and one pounds gained.

Not that he was really keeping track. He hardly bothered to look at the scale anymore. All it did was piss him off, so he’d hidden it under the bathroom sink where it couldn’t mock him everyday. He was fat. He knew that. He didn’t need a scale around telling him  _ how _ fat anyway.

For the most part, everything was the same. He’d just replaced Lance with Shiro—which actually wasn’t the same at all but it was what he’d ended up with. A sort of consolation prize he figured.

More than once he’d heard Shiro apologizing to his boyfriend for being out late or forgetting plans they had so he could drive forty-five minutes out of his way to pop up on his little brother. Keith hated it and no matter how many times he told Shiro he was fine, it didn’t stop him from coming.  

Keith could add his brother to his growing list of casualties.

“You don’t have to come over all the time you know,” he finally told him one evening, “You could stop in like once a week or something. I’m doing better.” It was kind of true. He could at least fake being okay if it meant getting Shiro off his fucking back.

Shiro looked reluctant so Keith tried to offer a compromise.

 

“How about you just call or text? And if I don’t answer or reply within an hour, then you can freak out and just pop up at my apartment like a stalker.”

His brother seemed hesitant but with the way his own relationship was suffering, Keith knew he would bite the bait. “That sounds fair…we can try it.”

Keith could handle answering a few texts if it meant he could go back to being alone. That was all he really wanted.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chance encounter throws both Keith and Lance for a loop. Neither of them have the best of coping mechanisms, and their friends are trying the best they can to fix this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4! We're almost done!
> 
> Thanks to everyone who left comments or kudos! I always appreciate it

Over the next month, it was the same routine. Shiro called. They spent five minutes catching up. Keith made it to his weekly rehab appointments. It was a pretty consistent schedule.

Things actually were getting better.

Well  _ most _ things. His weight wasn’t, having gone up twenty-four more pounds. He hardly recognized himself in the mirror anymore. It was hard when he’d gained so much. There wasn’t a single part of him that was hard or muscular anymore. He’d softened up every angle, added padding to every inch. These days he was well beyond chubby or even fat. He’d ballooned into obesity with ease.

He could barely remember what his body used to look like, not these days when he was practically drowning in his own fat. He’d officially given up when he hit three hundred pounds. The way his new belly sagged, winding him on a simple walk from his room to the kitchen, Keith had a hard time believing he’d ever set foot in a gym again—even after he was cleared to work out carefully. If nothing else, the inner thigh burn from feeling them rub up against each other would be deterring enough. The sweating between the rolls on his sides and his back, or under his chest was a pretty good deterrent as well or the uncomfortable feeling of his tits bouncing around. He could do without any of that uncomfortable shit.

These days heaving himself out of bed wasn’t worth it half the time. It was only feasible thanks to rehab.

He wondered what Lance would think if he saw him now. Keith had freaked out on him over fifty pounds and he’d more than doubled that on his own. Lance would probably think he was pathetic, out of control,  _ gross _ . If he didn’t, he definitely should…on top of thinking Keith was a complete jerk of course.

Remembering what an ass he’d been usually lead to thoughts of his time with Lance flooding his memory. That usually lead to him in his bed surrounded by empty styrofoam containers, trying to numb those feelings with food. Tonight’s dinner of choice was that barbecue place Lance liked so much from up the street. He’d ordered more than enough for him and Lance, needing a heavy dose of comfort food. He hadn’t held back—pulled pork, brisket, ribs, sides of mashed potatoes and gravy with mac and cheese, plenty of bread, and some of the peach cobbler Lance had always raved about.

He planned on ravishing it, eating himself into a food coma and falling asleep nice and easy. It would be the perfect start to his weekend, not that he didn’t spend most of his nights like this honestly. With all the food sprawled out in his bed, Keith went to work, starting with an extra saucy rib. He used to hate when Lance would grab the remote, or literally anything, while eating ribs, but now he was eating them in his bed. He still wasn’t half as messy though. If anything, any mess he made would drip onto his belly first with the way it was perched in his lap, resting comfortably over thick thighs and calves. It was getting harder to maintain even the simplest positions at this weight. Crossing his legs had been difficult, but he’d managed enough to reach his containers.

Between forkfuls of sauce covered pork, he shoved bites of mashed potatoes in his mouth, drowning them in rich gravy. He used slices of bread to soak up any extra sauce he missed. He barely paused to breathe in between bites, not caring about how messy he was being or how uncouth he looked. His only focus was getting as much food inside of him as possible before he started to get that familiar sick feeling in his stomach. Lance used to be the one to eat himself sick on this place, now Keith did it damn near every day.

Each bite made him feel fuller, heavier,  _ happier. _ He ate past full, finishing off all of the meat and bread. He finished off the mac and cheese and mash potatoes together, the carbs feeling heavy in his stomach. With all his food finished, Keith took a moment to take a quick break and digest a little. He leaned back onto his palm, his belly pushing even farther forward than usual. He rested his free hand on top of his stomach, forcing in a deep breath and gauging just how little room he had left. It wasn’t like it mattered though. He’d finish off the cobbler before he went to bed regardless. Once he set his mind to a meal, there was no quitting until he finished it all.

With a long, hard sigh, Keith sat back up and lifted the lid off his dessert. The smell hit him immediately, making his mouth water despite knowing he’d just eaten enough dinner for a small family. He picked up his fork and dug it straight. Flavors of brown sugar, peaches melted over his tongue. He could barely force himself to chew, his stomach protesting, but he willed himself to continue. Each bite went down slower and harder than the last but he forced them down anyway. It felt like he was chasing a high when really he was just using food to quell his emotions. It was all the same wasn’t it?

The last bite of cobbler felt practically impossible but he managed to shove it down and keep it down. His stomach hurt so much he didn’t think he’d be able to stand straight for the rest of the night and the minute he dropped his fork, that’s when it happened—the inevitable feeling of overwhelming shame washed over him.

Why had he eaten so much?  _ Again?  _ It wasn’t like he needed it. Hell, he’d been snacking all day. Was he not heavy enough already? What was his goal exactly? To eat until he was physically incapable of taking care of himself again! Because that was where this was all heading and there was no rehab to fix this.

So this night, just like damn near every night since Lance had left, he laid back in the bed, surrounded by empty containers with a hand on his gut wondering how he’d let it get so bad? 

Keith sighed, promising himself he’d have more self control tomorrow but that was quickly replaced by thoughts that maybe tomorrow he’d go to that bakery Lance liked so much.

X

In the past few months, Lance had finally come to terms with the fact that Keith hated him, at least that’s what he told himself. He was never going to answer his texts. There was no point in calling. He didn’t want to see him and while Lance wasn’t exactly fine with that, there wasn’t really anything he could do to change it. All he could do was move on and try to forget about Keith. That was easier said than done of course. It wasn’t like feelings as strong as his just went away overnight or anything.

He thought about Keith more often than he didn’t, which was pathetic honestly. He couldn’t cook Keith’s favorites foods, or watch any of the shows they used to watch together, or walk past the gym Keith used to spend so much time at, without his heart aching just a little. He still had some of Keith’s clothes in his laundry baskets. He’d left some of his own clothes in Keith’s apartment, along with his phone charger and the really expensive volcanic ash face mask his mother had sent him last Christmas. He’d never get any of those things back, along with his peace of mind or sanity apparently. It was easier to just accept that he’d probably be pining over Keith forever.

Still Lance went through the motions until they felt more natural and things hurt a little less and Hunk stopped texting him everyday to make sure he was okay. Some days were worse than others. Today he’d thought about texting Keith twice and it was driving him up a wall. He was on such a good no Keith streak. He didn’t need to break it to inevitably be ignored. He couldn’t take another blow like that to his self esteem—so instead, he thought he’d treat himself. A night in with a hot bath, video games and maybe some trashy TV would do him good. He thought it might be nice to really treat himself to a few homemade blondies from that bakery he liked. He’d been avoiding it the last few months because it reminded him of all the treats he used to buy Keith—the ones that led to Keith hating him he supposed.

But today he wanted blondies for his “ _ Lance Night In”  _ and he didn’t want them from anywhere else.

The bakery was the same as the last time he’d been in it. It had the usual intoxicating aroma and display cases filled with all sorts of fresh baked desserts. It had the usual friendly staff and the usual Keith standing by the pastry case…

_ Wait, what? _

Lance had to be seeing things. He hadn’t even really seen the guys face, just a reflection in the glass of the case. It looked like Keith, kind of. The guy definitely had the same disheveled mullet, but it couldn’t be him. Keith…well Keith wasn’t  _ that big.  _

As far as he remembered, Keith had been  _ chubby _ when he’d kicked him out. He’d developed a belly, but it hadn’t been anything Lance thought was that big of a deal. Keith was tall. It spread well enough between his plush thighs and thick arms. Okay so maybe he’d been kinda fat but still! It wasn’t that bad.

This guy was way bigger than Keith. His hips had to be twice as wide at least and Lance was pretty sure he’d only had one chin when he yelled at him. Keith was at least able to fit in a pair of sweatpants without them looking like a pair of leggings painted to his frame.

Lance was determined to solve the mystery when finally, the patron turned towards him, catching him completely off guard. “Can I fucking help you?”

With his face turned towards him, and that usual edge in his voice, Lance just knew. It was Keith after all. Judging by his shocked expression, Lance knew Keith recognized him now as well.

_ “Keith?” _

“L-Lance?” He stuttered, immediately attempting to pull the hem of his hoodie down.

“H-hi. Ugh…I didn’t mean to stare I just. It’s been so long…um…how are you?”

Lance didn’t miss the way Keith’s eyes darted around the bakery, as if looking for the quickest exit. He was willing to bolt before he’d even bought anything. So, Keith still hated him…Lance should’ve guessed.

“Fine.”

“That’s good.” He noted the way Keith did not ask him how he was. He looked like he wanted nothing to do with him or this conversation. Lance could only assume he was embarrassed. They hadn’t seen each other in months and he was noticeably bigger. The hoodie he was wearing barely contained him, outlining every bulge of his belly or roll on his sides and failing to cover the bottom of his stomach. Lance didn’t even have to imagine how big Keith was. He wasn’t hiding it—or maybe he couldn’t? He probably hadn’t updated his wardrobe in a while judging by how the hoodie’s zipper was barely hanging on.

He couldn’t blame Lance for this.

But Lance didn’t care how big Keith was. He missed him. He wanted to at least be friends again.

“Have you ugh…have you ordered yet?”

Keith turned his head, “Not yet.”

“I could—” Lance tried desperately but Keith immediately cut him off.

“I’m fine. I just—I’m gonna order and leave okay?”

“O-oh…well it was good seeing you.”

“Yeah.” And of course he wouldn’t say it was good seeing him too.

With that, Keith went to the counter and as much as Lance wanted to be over him, he couldn’t help but eavesdrop.

“ _ Could I get the chocolate salted caramel cake? _ ”

_ The cashier tilted her head, voice wavering with confusion, “Like a slice or…” _

_ “No,” he assured, “the cake.” _

For a moment she looked surprised but didn’t question it. It was better not to considering the determined look on Keith’s face.

Keith was going to eat that whole cake by himself. Lance just knew it.

And maybe he was really desperate, but fuck did he want to be around to see it.

X

Lance considered himself relatively normal. He had a few strange habits sure, but no odder than anyone else. Yet after the encounter with Keith at the bakery, he was feeling things that even he didn’t understand.

He knew he’d missed Keith, and that he still had feelings for him…but the Keith he’d seen last night was twice the size of the one he’d known before…and somehow that only made Lance want him more?

Keith had always been attractive, ridiculously so. Lance had like him muscular, he had liked him chubby. Apparently he liked him fat. God if Keith didn’t want to be around him before, he’d surely push Lance away after hearing about his newly discovered interests. They said absence made the heart grow fonder. Maybe he was just  _ that desperate?  _ Maybe he just missed him that damn bad?

He didn’t know, but he did know that seeing Keith had all but ruined his plans to stay in that night and pamper himself. Instead of blondies, he’d left the bakery, went to the liquor store and grabbed a bottle of whiskey instead. What better to numb his pain and clear his mind than being drunk off his ass? He didn’t even bother with a cup, just sat on the couch and drank straight from the bottle.

Well,  _ chugged _ , really.

He didn’t have time to play around. He wanted to be drunk and forget about everything involving Keith. Yet the more intoxicated he became, the more he thought about him.

The accident. The fight. How much he missed him—missed lying in bed with him, missed watching TV with him, missed the stupid way his lips edged up into a smirk when he made a bad joke, or the way he’d sit on the edge of the tub and curiously watch every time Lance went through his nightly face routine. He missed texting constantly, or sharing clothes, or making fun of each other.

He missed him so badly it made his stomach sick and his chest physically hurt. All he wanted was to be cordial again. He didn’t care about what they’d said in the past. He didn’t care about what Keith looked like, fat, thin or otherwise. He just cared about  _ him. _

And he’d take whatever he could get, even if that was just drunk dialing Keith’s phone in hopes of hearing his voice on the voicemail.

X

Keith couldn’t believe his fucking luck. Or lack there of apparently. What were the odds? Granted it was  _ Lance’s  _ bakery, but fuck! He didn’t own the place. He just had to show up on the one of the few days Keith actually decided to drag himself out of the house. Of course.

It was bad enough having strangers see how big he was. Running into Lance was just the icing on the shit cake.

And the look in his eyes! He’d hardly even recognized him at first! The worst part was knowing Keith gained enough weight for his best friend (former best friend?) to hardly realize who he was. Putting on over one hundred pounds would do that he supposed. There were still days that he looked in the mirror and barely recognized himself. That probably had something to do with how round his cheeks had gotten though.

Still, Keith was humiliated.  _ Mortified _ . Knowing Lance had probably seen him buy that entire cake did nothing for his self esteem.

At least couldn’t see the way he way currently plowing through it. He hadn’t even bothered to get a plate, just sat the cake on his lap and went to business. To hell with servings and even pretending like he had some class. Keith, God, and Lance all knew he was going to inhale the whole thing tonight. Hell any stranger in that bakery could take one look at his gut and probably make that guess.

Layers of fudge icing, drizzles of caramel and sprinkles of salt all passed his lips in large, messy forkfuls. If cake crumbs were falling to his shirt, Keith hardly cared. All he wanted was to eat until the embarrassment and shame of Lance seeing how much he’d let himself go went away. If nothing else, he at least wished he’d had something less form fitting to wear when Lance saw him, but he hadn’t bought new clothes in weeks. What was the point when he’d all but become a shut in? He’d just outgrow them in a few weeks anyway.

Keith crammed bite after bite in his mouth, determined to down the cake before he went to bed. It wouldn’t be an easy feat, but it wasn’t impossible either. His biggest problem was reaching the cake over the bloat of his distended belly but resting the cake on top of his gut quickly solved that issue.  

He’d inhaled half the cake before he took his first break, shifting in his spot to push his sweats below his stomach. He’d never imagined a day where he’d constantly be outgrowing sweatpants of all things, but it had come, more than once already. He took a moment to simply breathe and massage his stomach. Even his hands had puffed up these days, fingers thick and knuckles dimpling with the added weight. Regardless of their size, they still got the job done, bringing at least a little relief as they dug into the soft flesh. Most days he hated how pliable it was beneath his fingertips but during a stuffing he didn’t care. He just wanted to make more room, to go until he couldn’t possibly eat anymore.

His hand roamed from his sides to his underbelly, ready to move up towards his belly button when the sound of his phone vibrating distanced him. Who the hell was calling at this hour? The only person he talked to other than his physical therapist was Shiro. But Shiro had gone back to spending his nights with Adam, which Keith appreciated greatly. If he was calling it had to important. But when he picked up the phone it wasn’t Shiro. It was  _ Lance. _

But what the hell could Lance want? Especially this late at night? Should he even answer? He was in the middle of a cake binge. Not that Lance could see him or anything but still, the shame was there…but what if Lance was in trouble? He hadn’t contacted Keith in weeks? It could be important…or maybe he was calling to lecture Keith about how fat he’d gotten?

Keith didn’t know and he was almost afraid to find out but  _ fuck,  _ he was so curious. And Lance had looked so good earlier. And Keith missed him. And damn it, would it kill him to just see what he wanted? He clicked accept before he could talk himself out of it.

“Hello?”

“ _ Keith?”  _ He heard on the other end, both shocked and surprised. “I didn’t actually think you would answer.”

“Then why did you call?”

“Well I definitely  _ hoped _ .”

God, Keith had missed his voice. He missed hearing that joking tone, missed them being close enough to even joke with each other. Hearing him now was like the best and worst kind of torture. He was teasing himself by even answering the call.

“Oh…well did you need something?”

“Not really. I jussst…just wanted to talk.”

Something was off. Keith could hear it in the slurs of his words. He had a pretty good idea of what it was.

“Lance are you drunk?”

“Pfft no…I mean I had  _ a few drinks  _ but I’m not like drunk. Very drunk. Yes. Yes I’m drunk.”

So that was why he called him. He was probably too plastered to even realize his mistake.

“O-okay, I’m drunk yes, but I…I wanted to talk to you too, ya know?” Lance sounded trashed and if they were still friends, this was definitely the sort of thing Keith would make fun of him for later.

“ _ About? _ ”

“I’ve misssed you,” he said shamelessly. “ _ A lot.  _ Like a lot a lot.”

“Lance are you alone? Maybe you should call Hunk or your sister or someone else.” Someone better than him.

“But I don’t want to talk to someone else. I want to talk to yooouu,” he whined .

“Lance—”

“It was really good seeing you today,” he said suddenly and Keith swore his heart skipped a beat, but not in a good way. Was it too much to hope Lance was too drunk to remember? “You looked really good.”

Okay, there was no way on earth Lance wasn’t blackout hammered. He wasn’t going to remember this. He was probably draped over a toilet right now.

“Maybe you should call someone to come over? You don’t sound okay.”

“ _ You _ can come over,” Lance replied without missing a beat. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not. You’re drunk and delirious.”

“D-D-d- _ what? _ I just said I was fine,” he said with assurance, but then suddenly his voice dropped to a sad whisper, “I just want to see you is all.”

“You need to drink some water and go to bed.” Keith was trying but Lance wasn’t listening.

“It’s not the same, without you, ya know? The bed I mean. Not that we ever really slept in  _ my _ bed. I don’t even like  _ my _ bed. Your bed was better. Softer. Plus, it had you.”

He was flattered, probably more than he should’ve been at hearing such a simple declaration but hearing these words from Lance made him feel good. They made him feel wanted…but Lance was trashed. He probably didn’t even know what he was saying.

“Lance please go to bed before you regret this entire conversation.”

“What’s there to regret? I’m jus…being  _ honesst _ .”

Keith sighed, “Too honest.”

“Not honest enough I think!”

What the hell else could Lance possibly have to say?

“If I was being really honest,” Lance started, “I’d tell you how shocked I was to see you. I forgot—”

How fat he was?

“How _ hot _ you are.”

What? Had Lance hit his head? Was he going blind? He clearly wasn’t talking about the right Keith. He must’ve been imagining, svelte, in shape Keith--not the one whose thighs chaffed and stomach fat jiggled when he walked.

“Now I know we need to call someone. You’re shitfaced.”

“What? I am—no I’m not! I mean I’m drunk, not stu-not stupid! I know what I’m saying!”

“You said I was hot.”

“Because you are!”

“Lance you saw me today. I…” he paused, afraid of admitting just how big he was out loud. “I’m twice the size I was when you left.”

“Pfft, hardly!” Laughed Lance, “and even if you were I’d still think you were hot. I could never not think that.”

There was no way Lance meant that. Keith saw himself everyday. He saw the way his stomach hung, the way his cheeks puffed out. He saw the flab, the rolls, the stretch marks. How could anyone be attracted to that?

“I think what you’re doing is sweet, but really, you don’t have to try and make me feel better—”

“Who the  _ hell _ ssaid I was doing  _ that? _ I called you to make  _ me  _ feel better. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since our fight! I just thought getting things off my chest might help some. Like maybe if I told you, I could finally move on.”

Everything inside Keith was screaming at him to tell Lance not to move on! That was the opposite of what he wanted! But why couldn’t he say it? Maybe because part of him was afraid that this was just stupid, drunk Lance, that he’d sober up in the morning and realize his mistakes. Keith had hardly deserved Lance’s kindness before. Lance had only wanted to help, and he’d pushed him away. Now he was fat and alone. He’d already accepted his punishment. Lance didn’t have to settle.

“Oh...Well is it working?”

“I mean,  _ no? _ ” Lance phrased it like a question, one Keith should know the answer to. “I don’t think it works like that. It’ll probably take a while? I don’t know. I’m not good at this.”

Then maybe Keith would do him a favor and end the call, stop the torture for both of them.

“Well…I guess I should—”

“What were you doing?’ Lance suddenly sputtered out to Keith’s surprise. “Like before I called you?”

“I was ugh…watching TV.”

Not a total lie. The TV had been on while he stuffed his face, but he wasn’t paying attention to it.

“Is that what the cake was for?” Lance asked shyly. Keith knew he’d been fucking listening. Lance surely knew he was sitting in his apartment devouring it right now. What else would he be doing?

“I mean…I…”

“You don’t have to be  _ embarrassed,” _ Lance said, “I think it’s impressive.”

“That I can eat a whole cake by myself?”

“Mhmm.”

“Lance that’s weird.”

“Really? I thought it was cute.”

Keith couldn’t right now. Every time he thought about how much he ate in a sitting, he felt disgusted. How was it Lance came back, drunk and stupid, but somehow made it sound like it wasn’t  _ that bad _ ? Like it was acceptable.

“I don’t think—”

“I’m tired,” Lance said suddenly, a yawn followed right after. “I’m drunk. I’m going to go to bed. Thanks for talking to me. It was nice. I really missed talking to you. Goodnight.”

Keith went to say goodnight back but the call had already ended. Instead he was left staring a blank screen on his phone.

Lance had called. They had talked. Lance had feelings for him still? He thought Keith was  _ hot? _ And not just in past tense, but even after seeing him waddle around the bakery earlier. Keith couldn’t believe this…but even worse, he couldn’t believe he’d kicked Lance completely out of his life and he still loved him. And he still loved Lance, and their feelings were mutual.

It was a nice thought, but there wasn’t anything he could do now—well except finish his cake and go to bed. In the morning Lance probably wouldn’t even remember ever calling him. He’d continue his life and Keith would continue his. Just as he was shoving the last few bites into his mouth, his phone vibrated again, this time short and sweet. A text message.

**Lance**

**I dont thnk the phone call s going work**

Keith was almost afraid to ask what he meant but he had to know now.

**Keith**

**??**

**Lance**

**Get ovr you. I just don’t thinkk I can**

Keith wished he had the balls to tell Lance he didn’t have to, but he didn’t, so Lance would just have to find a way to forget about him.

X

When he woke up, Keith still had a hard time believing what Lance had said to him the night before.

_ ‘He was drunk,’  _ he kept telling himself. ‘ _ He didn’t mean it…he probably just felt sorry for you.’ _

He thought if he told himself that enough, it would make it true, that he’d stop holding on to the small semblance of hope in the back of his mind telling him he actually had a chance at this weight. Twenty or thirty pounds, Lance probably could’ve overlooked. This was just asking too much. Everywhere he looked his body was overflowing with excess fat. Even his elbows had sunken in at this point. He couldn’t subject Lance to that. He deserved someone as attractive he was, or someone who wasn’t going to blame him for things that weren’t his fault at least.

Still Keith wanted to call him, to… _ to check on him! _ Yeah that was it. He was just worried, considering how drunk Lance had been last night. At least this was what he told himself, even though he believed absolutely none of it. He just wanted to hear his voice, to be his friend again if nothing else.

He agonized over whether he should call Lance and after twenty minutes, he’d just ended up stress eating four sleeves of pop tarts instead. Then he thought maybe texting would be better, but seven bad drafts and a box of eggos made him decide against it. If he didn’t figure something out, he’d need his stomach pumped before lunch and he couldn’t handle that level of embarrassment…so instead he texted Shiro. Even if he was the overbearing brother at times, he’d always had good advice growing up.

Shiro didn’t hesitate to drive out to his apartment after work, which Keith actually welcomed for once. Granted he’d probably get a lecture on his still obnoxious eating habits, but he could take that if it meant figuring things out with Lance.

When he opened the door, Keith didn’t miss the slight surprise in Shiro’s eyes. Yes, he was even bigger than the last time Shiro had come over. Over three hundred at this point but really what else did he expect? He was pretty close to it the last time he’d seen his brother. But Keith hardly had time to insulted considering what was on his mind.

Keith shot him a look that screamed  _ not now _ and Shiro seemed to concede for the time being.

“So what was the Lance related emergency?” He asked instead.

“He called me and he he told me he had feelings for me.”

Shiro tilted his head in confusion, “Didn’t you already know that?”

“I mean yeah but…I didn’t think he  _ still _ would.”

“Well did you say it back this time?”

“No I didn’t say it back!” Keith couldn’t even believe he’d ask such a question. “Look at me! I was barely in his league before I got fat!”

“Lance doesn’t seem to think so,” Shiro said, brow cocked and face stoic.

Waving his hand, Keith sighed, “Well Lance has always been blindly optimistic. Trust me, one look at me even half naked and he’ll be gone before I could ever catch up to him.”

“Well he can decide that for himself I’m sure. You won’t know until you stop making up excuses.”

“Excuses? These are legitimate reasons!” He’d seen himself naked. It wasn’t pretty. It would kill even the most intense of sex drives. Yet, Shiro just kept saying more and more rational shit.

“Not to Lance,” his brother said, and then suddenly he was rubbing at the bridge of his nose, looking more stressed than Keith had seen him in a while. “Keith, can I just be honest for a minute?”

“I guess.” Though honestly he was afraid of what his brother was about to say.

“I know this last year has been hard for you. The accident and Lance and being cooped up in here. We agreed as long as you checked in, I wouldn’t continue to harass you about  _ well, _ your weight. You and I both know your coping mechanisms haven’t been the healthiest, and you’ve gained weight since the last time I saw you, but do you think anyone really cares about how you look? Like honestly?”

Keith wasn’t sure how to answer. He thought yes? He was sure Shiro got tired of being forced to see him like this, at this size, and bigger every time they met up. Surely he thought it was unattractive, gross,  _ pathetic _ . He was just nice because they were family. He had to love Keith at this size.

“We don’t Keith. I don’t. Nobody cares. All I want is for you to get better and be happy again. It sounds like Lance wants the same and if you think he makes you happy, then maybe stop pushing him away? You’re not even giving it a chance.”

“What if he changes his mind?”

And for some reason that question made Shiro laugh, “This is Lance we’re talking about. The most persistent, stubborn, one track minded guy we know. He’s seen you angry, in tears, hungry, sick, at your literal worst and he hasn’t changed his mind yet. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone more in love.”

He supposed Shiro had a point but that didn’t make him any less nervous. There were still ways he could fuck it up. Keith knew that for a fact. He had a pattern of it.

“Lance is a grown man, Keith. He can decide what he wants. He doesn’t need you to decide his reasons to leave for him. So maybe stop looking for reasons this won’t work before you’ve even tried, alright?”

Reluctantly, he nodded, but he knew Shiro was right. He always was, even when Keith didn’t want to listen.

X

“I fucked up,” Lance said, hands in his hair, threatening to tear a bald patch if he wasn’t careful. “I fucked up, I fucked up,  _ I fucked up.” _

Pidge rolled her eyes, only briefly looking up from her phone to check on him. She was more than used to Lance’s dramatics but this was a lot even for him. “I think we established that in the call and the group text before you came over.”

Lance groaned in response. He knew he looked terrible and sounded crazy. He’d been frantic when he was brushing his teeth, his previous night’s antics came stampeding back all at once.

Hunk grimaced, trying to sound slightly more soothing. “How about you tell us what happened?”

“I called Keith,” he admitted and neither of them looked all that surprised, “and I confessed to him.”

“Didn’t you do that already?”

“Yeah but last time I wasn’t shit faced! Who knows what all I really said!”

He couldn’t really remember all of it, but he’d seen the text he’d sent last night, the one Keith hadn’t responded to. He could only imagine what he’d said on the phone. He’d probably made an idiot of himself.

“Why don’t you just ask him?” Pidge said, like it was the most obvious thing ever.

“And humiliate myself even more? I’d rather die!” He offered, dramatically dropping his head in his hands, “I’m just going to go back to letting him avoid me for the rest of forever. It’s way less embarrassing. At least I can retain some of my dignity.”

He didn’t miss the way Hunk and Pidge exchanged questionable glances.

“God, don’t tell me I’ve already lost  _ that?” _ Just when he thought he couldn’t lose anything else.

And then Pidge got a text from Shiro, saying Adam had gotten a promotion and they should all get together at Keith’s tonight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Keith are finally forced to talk things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are! Last chapter!! Whoo!!
> 
> Thanks for all the kudo and comments and just sticking with the story in general!

“I really don’t know about this Pidge…How are we sure Keith isn’t going to like yell at me in person?” Lance asked. His hands were shaking and his heart was beating so hard he felt like he could hear the noise echoing in his ears. He hadn’t been this nervous since he was sitting in the waiting room at the hospital, hoping to hear even the most minimal update on Keith’s status.

“Shiro said we were invited so I’m pretty sure you’re going to be okay, just calm down.”

He might feel better if Hunk was there too, but he’d bailed for family night, which sounded like a lie but he was too nice to say that. Pidge was here, but she was so no nonsense. She wasn’t going to let Lance lean on her or whine. She did not coddle him ever, and he could use some babying right now.

Lance sighed as Pidge knocked on the door. They were really doing this. He was really here, at Keith’s, for the first time in months. He was freaking out more than he should be, but he couldn’t control himself.

They were greeted by Shiro whose expression Lance couldn’t read. All he knew was that something seemed off.

When he walked into the living room, he knew for sure something was off. There was no get together for Adam’s promotion. No one was even here! Except Keith, who looked just as surprised to see him as Lance was to be here.

Immediately Keith flared at his brother, “Shiro what the hell? I thought we were getting pizza?”

Lance turned to Pidge just as devastated, “You liar!”

“Lance I—”

He didn’t even let Pidge finish before he turned, his finger ramming into Shiro’s chest. “I bet Adam didn’t even get a promotion at work, did he?”

“What the hell is going on? Why is  _ he _ here?” Keith continued and Lance didn’t miss the obvious venom in his voice as he referred to him. He knew it was a bad idea to come here. As if Keith would want to see him after everything he’d done.

“Because you two are acting like idiots and the rest of us are getting tired of it,” Stated Shiro, clean and cold. There wasn’t an ounce of sympathy in his voice for either of them to exploit. He turned to Lance first. “Pidge says you’ve been miserable without Keith.”

Pidge turned towards Keith, “And Shiro says you’ve been miserable without Lance.”

That was news to Lance and he wasn’t sure it was worth believing. With the way Keith had kicked him out, he was surely happier without him.

“So no one’s going anywhere until you two talk things out. Lance gimme your keys.” Shiro stuck his hand out and Lance immediately opened his mouth to protest, but it was hopeless. Pidge and Shiro had him cornered. He handed them over reluctantly. “Thank you. Pidge and I will be back in the morning.”

“Wait what? You can’t just leave him here!” Keith immediately protested.

“We can and we are.”

Just when Lance thought it couldn’t get any worse, a knock at the door had him freaking out. Who else could be coming over to witness Keith put him out?

“Pizza’s here,” smirked Shiro. Keith was not amused.

Awkwardly Lance and Keith sat on opposite ends of the couch, not looking at each other while Shiro answered the door. He returned, setting two boxes on the coffee table.

“See, I really did order pizza. Couldn’t let you guys starve!”

Keith looked as if he wanted to pummel Shiro but neither he nor Pidge seemed the least bit fazed by either of their attitudes.

“See you tomorrow! Play nice!” Joked Pidge on her way out and Lance vowed to get her back good the next time they went to the bar.

Suddenly it was just him and Keith alone. The silence that followed was awkward and painfully so. Lance tried his hardest to look anywhere but Keith, despite how bad he wanted to glance over and just take him all in. Was he blushing? Was he just as embarrassed? Maybe he was pissed? For all Lance knew he was glaring at him, willing him to spontaneously combust right there.

He had to know. So he lifted his head, only to see Keith looking away as well. At least they were in the same uncomfortable boat.

“Maybe we—” he started before Keith quickly cut him off.

“Why the hell did you just hand over your keys?”

Lance wasn’t sure really. He was an adult. He could’ve kept them, but Shiro was twice his size and Pidge was a feisty little thing when she wanted to be. It just seemed easier to concede. Plus it wasn’t like he hated the idea of being trapped in Keith’s apartment. Even if they didn’t work anything out, he did miss him. Maybe he was a masochist at heart? He could add it to his growing list of recently discovered traits, along with chubby chaser.

“I mean if I didn’t they would’ve just found another way so…”

“Hmph.” Keith had to know he was right.

Lance shrugged leaning forward and opening the top pizza box, “There really isn’t anything we can do about it now. We might as well eat before the food gets cold.”

He recognized the flavor immediately—pepperoni and olives with stuffed crust—Keith’s personal, totally weird, favorite. Lance remembered plenty of nights where he’d complained about the combination, only to cave when Keith shot him those stupidly adorably, pleading eyes of his. In a strange way, he’d actually missed black olives, even though he never ate them any other time.

Lance took the first slice, leaving the box open for Keith. It tasted just like he remembered, if not better given his company. He made his way through the first slice fairly quickly, working his way through the cheese filled crust before he noticed he was eating alone.

“Aren’t you gonna have some?” He asked.

Keith shifted uncomfortably in his spot and Lance tried to ignore the sound of the couch creaking just slightly under his weight.

“I’m fine.”

“Oh…did you eat already?” It had been so long since they’d had an actual conversation, one where Lance wasn’t plastered out of his mind and humiliating himself in ways he could barely remember. He didn’t want Keith to stop talking to him. He’d say anything to drag this out.

“ _ Does it matter? _ ” Keith spat back but he looked more hurt than angry.

It took a moment before it clicked. Even if Keith was hungry, he was probably too embarrassed to eat in front of him. But why? He had to know Lance wouldn’t judge him. He never had before and he wasn’t about to start now. 

“No I just—I didn’t mean it like  _ that.” _

“Yeah well how did you mean it?”

“Fuck I don’t know. I just wanted you to say something. I don’t wanna sit here all night with you not talking to me.”

God he must’ve sounded so pathetic but he didn’t know what else to do? Maybe he could pity Keith into being his friend again? That was better than nothing.

He thought it might be working as Keith rolled his eyes and reached for a slice. Lance didn’t know what else to do so he grabbed another just to make Keith feel comfortable. They ate in silent solidarity, though Lance could only manage three slices before he felt too sick to continue.

“I think I’m done,” he said pushing the box closer to Keith’s side.

“You ate like two pieces.”

“ _ Three  _ actually and I’m stuffed. You can go ahead and finish it off.”

Lance didn’t notice the Keith’s shoulders slumped as he softly said, “Lance, there’s still a whole other box.”

“Yeah I know.”

“And you just expect me finish that off myself?” He asked.

“I mean I know you can eat a lot but nobody’s saying you have to…but  _ can you?” _

“Probably…but I…I wouldn’t…”

“Wouldn’t what?”

“Wouldn’t want to,  _ you know…”  _ he vaguely waved his hand in the air, not really gesturing at anything specific but Lance got the idea.

_ “ _ Keith, are you embarrassed to eat in front of me?”

He didn’t say anything back.

“You act like I’ve never seen you eat before.”

“But this is different.”

“How?”  

Keith threw open his mouth and Lance could just feel a passionate outburst coming, he was even welcoming it just for a glimpse of former Keith. Yet as quickly as he opened his mouth, he shut it again and turned his face. 

“It just  _ is.” _

“But it’s  _ not _ , or it doesn’t have to be. I’m not judging you dude, for eating or for anything else. I promise. I’m just happy to be around you again.”

“I’m ugh…I’m happy to see you too,” he sounded nervous but it was adorable, and it confused Lance. Why was Keith nervous about saying that?

“I thought you hated me.”

“I didn’t  _ hate _ you…I was just, I don’t know. I was mad at myself I guess. Embarrassed that you had to see me like that and do everything for me.”

“I didn’t mind.” He didn’t understand why Keith was so hard on himself. How many times did Lance have to tell him he didn’t care, that he’d take care of him because he knew Keith would do the same for him.

“You should’ve! It was pathetic.”

“No it wasn’t!” Lance said in exasperation. His tone shocked both him and Keith. He lowered his voice a little when he continued, “Besides…I owed you…since it was my fault anyway.”

“Lance I—”

“I ruined your life dude.”

In Lance style dramatics, Keith threw his hands up. “You didn’t  _ ruin _ my life!”

“You literally said,  _ ‘you ruined my life’,”  _ Lance corrected though there was the hint of a teasing smile on his lips.

“I didn’t mean that. I was angry and I was taking it out on you. I took so many things out on you. I don’t like being vulnerable and having you see my like that—I thought you’d get tired of me or resent me even. The weight was just an excuse for me to push you away, before you could leave…I thought it might hurt less that way.” 

When Lance didn’t immediately reply, Keith glanced over only the be met with a confusion.

“ _ What _ ?” Lance finally said.

Keith blinked back. “I um…you want me to repeat that?”

“No I’m just a little surprised. You thought I would leave you?  _ Seriously? _ You’re my best friend. You think I don’t know that how independent you are or when you’re frustrated or when you’re upset or hurting or any of that? You think I care?”

“But Lance I…I could’ve been better.”

“Could you have handled it better? Yeah probably, but we have to move past that. All I know is I wasn’t ever going to leave you and I know you know that. You didn’t have to react like that. We could’ve talked things out. I would’ve backed off some if you asked but you just flipped out and what did that help? I don’t know about you but I’ve been pretty fucking miserable.” Lance found himself a little out of breath after his speech. He didn’t realize he’d been ranting until he was staring at Keith with his mouth agape.

“Miserable?” Keith repeated, as if he was hearing the word for the first time. “But you have hunk and pidge and allura and everyone else. It’s not like you needed me.”

Did Keith even hear himself right now? Did he hear half of the shit he said honestly? Lance wasn’t sure how many times he had to hammer it into his hard head, but he’d keep doing it until Keith understood.

“Even if I didn’t need you, I still wanted you around…I don’t exactly feel the same way about my friends as I do about you.” He considered Keith a friend, but he felt so much more than that.

Lance waited for Keith to say something, to say anything really. He felt like he’d put himself out there and every second that passed made him feel scared and awkward.

“Did you mean what you said the other night on the phone?” Keith finally asked.

Lance couldn’t help but laugh in embarrassment. “When I was drunk?”

“Yeah that night.”

“I do. I mean I was pretty trashed but I remember enough of it,” Lance paused, “And I meant every word.”

“But you could do so much better,” said Keith and Lance didn’t miss the way his hands shifted to his stomach, as if trying to hide himself from view. As if Lance cared. He wanted to see him. He wanted Keith to be comfortable around him.

“ _ Pfft _ , says who?”

“Look at you and look at me. I didn’t deserve you before I was three hundred pounds. Now I really don’t—”

“You think I only care about what you look like? How shallow do you think I am?”

“As many face masks and manicures as you’ve dragged me to, I thought looks were like a big thing for you.”

“Well yeah I care about what  _ I  _ look like, cuz I wanted you to find me attractive…I thought you were too hot for me.”

“I think you look fine Lance, always have. You’re gorgeous.”

“So are you.”

Keith cringed and it only made Lance’s stomach turn. He hated how much this weight thing had started to take over his whole life. He wished Keith could see himself the way he did, that his weight wasn’t a turn off, that honestly, he was fine with it. More than fine with it.

“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with how you look now, or how much you weigh or whatever. I wish you’d stop letting it hurt you so much…Shiro said you barely leave this apartment anymore.”

“I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. I look gross.”

“I think you look good,” Lance said and he saw the way Keith’s eyebrows shot up.

“Huh?”

“Good!” He snapped before clearing his throat nervously, “I think you look good!”

“Even sober?”

“Like I don’t know…” he shrugged just to have an excuse to do something that didn’t involve looking at Keith, “I think the weight isn’t bad. I kinda like it I guess. Is that weird? I sound weird don’t I?”

As serious as Lance was trying to be, Keith couldn’t help but chuckle to himself. “Little bit, yeah.”

“Jut forget I said anything then.”  

“But I…I don’t mind…if you’re serious?” Keith sounded nervous, like he was waiting for Lance to tell him it was all a joke.

“Of course I’m serious. Trust me, I have no reason to lie about that.” It wasn’t like he could take it back now anyway.

Keith nodded but something was still off. Lance could always tell.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just don’t get how you could like all of this?” He gestured around his stomach specifically.

“I dunno, can’t help what you’re attracted to right?”

“But you could do better.”

“You keep saying that but I don’t want better. There is no better. I want you,” he said, “I’ve always wanted you.”

He watched Keith attempt to smile, even a little, but Lance could see that he still didn’t believe him. It didn’t matter how many times he said it, it was like Keith just couldn’t fathom it.

“I can show you? If you really want.”

At first Keith didn’t seem to understand but then suddenly, it clicked.

“Lance I don’t think you really want to do that. The minute you touch me, it’ll—you’ll—”

“Why wouldn’t I want to do it? _ I’m  _ the one that suggested it,” he laughed, “If you don’t want me to touch you, I won’t touch you, but just remember I’m not the one turning down this opportunity.”

If Keith hadn’t left his house much the last few months, Lance could only imagine he was just as touch starved as he was. Sure, he’d participated in some self love more than once the last few months, but that wasn’t exactly the same.

Keith bit as his lip, his eyes squeezing tight as he seemed to have some sort of internal battle. “You’re not going to like it when you see it.”

“I think that’s for me to decide isn’t it?”

Keith’s chest heaved, slow and a bit uneven. Lance could still sense how cautious he was, even as he turned his body towards him. He kept his hands in his lap, legs pressed together, all in an attempt to make himself small. Lance wished Keith could see himself the way he did, but maybe if he showed him that he was serious, his friend could at least learn to be comfortable around him.

“Fine!  _ Fine! _ ” Keith said, but his eyes still refused to meet his. “I want you to, just…if you change your mind, just tell me okay? You don’t have to force it.”

Lance reached his hand out and placed it under Keith’s chin, forcing him to finally look up. Even with his face forward, he still managed to keep his gaze downcast. “Keith look at me.”

Reluctantly Keith’s eyes finally came to meet his. “I promise I will never change my mind about you okay? No matter what happens, what you or I look like. It’s impossible.”

“But—”

“I said  _ impossible,” _ Lance repeated before leaning in, his lips brushing against Keith’s. He tried to be gentle at first, but it was hard to hold back when he was finally getting what he’d been pining after for years. He found it difficult to contain himself. He didn’t want to freak Keith out but it was so hard.

He pulled back, his heart racing and he found himself panting just slightly as Keith stared at him with wide eyes.

“I’ll be honest,” he looked Keith up and down, biting his lip as he tried to refrain from jumping all over him. Keith seemed to be bracing himself for the worst. “During that kiss I found it very hard to restrain myself.”

He watched a multitude of emotions run across Keith’s face and Lance hope he settled on a good one.

“Then don’t,” said Keith suddenly. The response seemed to shock both of them. He looked away after, cheeks burning red, but Lance could still see them. “If you’re serious then I don’t want you to.”

Lance didn’t have to be told twice. This time when he went to kiss Keith he didn’t hold it in. They locked lips and Lance worked his way on his knees, pushing Kieth’s back into the couch. One hand found its way to the armrest to stabilize him while the other trailed down Keith’s side.

There was so much uncharted territory. Lance had touched Keith sure, but never like  _ this.  _ He felt greedy, as if no amount of contact would ever truly satisfy him. With every new area his hand roamed, he only wanted more.

He gripped at his back, and it was softer than he expected, but he couldn’t get enough. He liked the weight, it was comfortable, like extra padding. He knew he was squeezing, hard judging by the Keith was squirming beneath him.

He let his hand slide down Keith’s stomach and to his surprise, it wasn’t knocked away then, or even when he slipped it under the hem of his hoodie.

“This okay?” He managed to ask between kisses.

“If you’re okay with it.”

“I’m more than okay,” Lance said as his hand traveled up Keith’s side, taking in every curve, every roll. He could take entire handfuls of Keith’s chub and still have some rolling over his hands. He didn’t see how anyone couldn’t like this. Lance was almost too distracted by his hands to keep up with what Keith was trying to do with his mouth.

He was too excited to even think straight, letting his body lead the charge. He crawled into Keith’s lap and made a note of how comfortable his thighs were. No longer hard and muscular, Lance thought this was something he could get used to. From here he could really press his body against Keith’s and appreciate the full extent of his gain. It was such a stark contrast to his own tight body. It was hard for him not to lean his entire body weight into Keith’s just for the sake of feeling it engulf his own.

This was new territory for him. He’d never been with anyone this size before. He’d never thought he’d like it, but it was easily the best hook up he’d ever had.

The hotter and heavier things got, the more excited Lance was. Keith hands were roaming his body, down his stomach and up his back. Next thing Lance knew, his shirt was off and Keith’s lips were on his neck. It felt better than he’d imagined and before he knew it, his hands were reaching under Keith’s stomach, searching for the button.

“What are you doing?” Keith suddenly asked, pulling his lips back briefly.

Immediately, Lance pulled his hands back. “Oh shit, sorry. I guess I got ahead of myself.”

“Yeah you did,” Keith grinned, “But I didn’t say stop.”

“Huh?”

“I’m just not having sex with you on my couch.”

“Yeah I know. I—” he started, without even processing what Keith was suggesting.

“We have to go to my bedroom for that.”

“Wait—You’re serious?”

“I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t,” he said, “I’ve wanted this for a long time Lance, and now that you’re here, I don’t want to put it off any longer.”

“I ugh…I mean…”

“Don’t tell me you’re nervous  _ now? _ ”

“Of course not! Just  _ surprised _ .”

“But still willing right?”

“Absolutely.”

X

It’s a little weird at first, allowing Lance to touch him. Keith had to keep reminding himself that Lance wasn’t going to leave, that he  _ wanted _ to be here with him.

That much was evident by how he kept grabbing at him, hands trailing up and down his body, never once pulling back or hesitating. Keith held his breath every time Lance ran his fingers over his belly, trailed over a love handle, or gripped a bulge on his back. It felt so perfect but so out of place. He’d never imagined that when he finally had Lance in his bed, his stomach would be pushing out onto his lap.

Despite all the thoughts swirling through Keith’s head, Lance didn’t seem to have a care in the world. Keith lie on his back, hands on Lance’s waste—which seemed slightly smaller than the last time Keith saw him. How nice, while he’d gained a million pounds, Lance clearly lost weight when he was stressed.

He was straddling Keith, pressing their bodies together as he alternated between kissing him and sucking at his nipples. It was hard to focus on being insecure when Lance was doing  _ that. _

He felt himself getting more excited the more he let himself enjoy the moment. Lance trailed kisses down his belly, each one somehow gentle and erotic. Keith could barely keep his hips from buckling. Had it really been that long since he got laid? How was he this hard and this horny already?

“I can take care of this for you,” Offered Lance, hand sliding under his stomach and between his things to grab his erection. Keith shivered at his touch.

_ As if he would turn that down. _

_ “Please.” _

And suddenly Lance’s mouth was a little too preoccupied to respond.

X

Lance sucked in hard, his chest quickly rising up and down as he tried to catch his breath. He was lying on his back, Keith’s head in his chest.

“You’re breathing heavy,” Keith said, tilting his head up just a bit to lock eyes.

“Can you blame me? I didn’t know you had that many rounds in you.”

“I didn’t know you were in such bad shape.”

“Just give me a minute,” Lance said, leaning down and planting a kiss in Keith’s forehead. “I’ve been waiting for this so long, I think I overdid it a little.”

“Take as long as you need…I did kind of keep you waiting for a while.”

“It was worth it,” and Lance meant it wholeheartedly. Things had been rocky for sure but they’d worked a lot of it out. There were still things to be discussed but they could worry about them after tonight. Tonight was just about making up for lost time.

Lance pulled Keith in close, pressing their bodies together as he got comfortable. He liked the way the fit together. He like the way Keith’s body felt against his. It was nice that Keith felt comfortable enough to expose himself to Lance and in time, he hoped Keith would only get more comfortable in his skin.

For now, he was just happy Keith wasn’t pulling away.

“You should sleep,” Keith told him, his own eyes drifting together as he said it. “We both should. If I know Shiro, he’ll come busting in tomorrow morning at some ridiculous hour to check on us and return your keys.”

And honestly, Lance had forgotten all about those!

“I’ll text him and tell him I’ll pick them up later. I don’t want anyone interrupting our first morning together.”

“We’ve spent plenty of mornings together.”

“Not like this. This morning will be different,” Lance assured. From here everything would be different, and he honestly could not wait. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Title comes from "8 Letters" by Why Don't We.


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